Things I would have loved to know when I was a mom working from home
Activity : would you like a paper doll, dear? Click to get the printable
I published all my books with a kid in my studio. People usually made the confusion between “stay at home” and “work at home” so it wasn’t a subject I would bring much. I’m not the kind to tell an exhausted mother that I do the same job as she does and published my own collection of activity books, too. That’s mean. I should have told the artists I knew who were overwhelmed with an 8 hours days though, because WTF mine was 14 to 17 hours long. Leaving like this was a choice. I handled it.From age 3 to 10 my son went to pre-school in the morning 3 days a week, then was at school in the mornings, then until 2:45 PM . The rest was on us, and my husband, who is a dedicated father and the only help I could hope for, travelled a lot.
I published all my books with a little boy growing in my studio. We got along just fine. He grew up just fine. We were quite happy really!
I learned in 2011 to draw on my Ipad the diagrams for my books, because I had to, my son was often sleeping on my lap at nap time. I have a super large desk, a kitchen table really, because it was a 2 seats desk : one side had traces of play dough, dangerous bits and bobs lego thingies (cute until you nixed your elbow on it) , and a bit of finger paint too. Whatever, as long as I could work.
I video conferenced with him in the back, begging him to be nice. It was ok most of the time, except that day when I was late for lunch and my 3 years old decided to handle it by himself, found a box of brownie bites, came back with it and proceeded to stuff himself with chocolate goodness up to the gills, in front of the camera… and my clients who were laughing very hard.
There was also the day were he got fed up waiting and threw his stuffed bunnies at the camera. My publisher, on the other side of the world, ducked.
At some point, yes, I left my son play with a cup of water on my desk. And boats. I ran out of ideas that day (didn’t ran out twice)
But most of the time, we were doing just fine. We were, in fact,very happy .
I’m thinking of all the parents who have to work on remote these days. I’m sorry for you. But you’ll also get wonderful memories out of it, and it is a fantastic chance to be the foremost educator in your children’s life…and maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe it’s a chance. I know I loved having the opportunity to educate my son our way, adapting to him, before handling him to the world.
Here’s what I would have loved to know before starting to work remotely with a kid. You might have to do it your way, every family is different:
Keep the kids in your work room. Share with another parent if you can, but mostly, don’t leave them in another room. They behave better and are happier if they share your space. Accidents will happen otherwise.
Organise the space accordingly . Put a little table or a desk for them, with activities, books, etc…My library had toys and children’s books on the lower shelves. Calculate camera angles so the mess doesn’t show on online meetings. Organise the room at the end of the day so it feels nice to get back to it in the morning.
Get a headset with mike. I favor phone earbuds with a mike because they are hardly noticeable. You’ll be able to cover the mike if a tantrum is coming. You won’t have to speak loud. And half a conversation is quieter for a kid, especially if it’s your voice. They love your voice.
Bribe them before talking online. No really. Say “ can you wait for me and we’ll have a break/snak/read a book together”. It helps. They know you’ll be back, you’re not ignoring them.
Stop! Stop a few minutes every quarter hour, longer if they are OK with it. Stop and seat with them, talk, show you’re here for them. Start another activity with them then let them continue by themselves. Take a little break together. It’s good for you too.
ALWAYS answer when they have a query. This is the ONE rule for working at home with kids. Be there the minute they ask, talk, sneeze, whatever. Be annoyingly there. Kids are like cats and want mostly your attention but don’t like too much attention. Cuddle, laugh, hug as much as needed. I enjoyed that very much, and got the quiet I needed, too.
Follow a strict schedule. Humans are creatures of habits. It helps.
By the way, homework first, then play. Believe me, it’s easier that way.
Note when they tend to be the most concentrated in their play or work and use that time to schedule yours.
Nap time or quiet time. Yes, even for older children. Use the first hours of the afternoon for nap time. Stay with them and work on your laptop, your phone, or your Ipad. Have a little nap, too, if you can. Like that you can work at night when they are in bed.
Share the care, if you can, with a strict schedule, and agree on it. My husband, bless him, would come back from home, take a long breath, and then scoop the kid and handle first bath time then dinner with a cub in the kitchen. I was back on for bed time and story time.
The right time for screen time. In the end of the afternoon, when everybody is exhausted, I would make room on my desk for quiet play while I was working, and room on my computer screen for cartoons that I could handle (not Caillou) : Oswald, Pocoyo, Totoro, Sam Sam, that kind of things. Just before dinner is the dangerous hour, the one I call the ER hour. That when kids are tired and over excited and accidents happen.
Mid afternoon, take an exercice break. Hopefully you have access to a garden, if not, gymnastics are ok, and doing the chores together is exercise.
Avoid to yell, discipline, or even get nervous, at all cost, including (but not only) doing breathing exercices in the bathroom, stuff yourself with your private stash of chocolate, or boldly claim “ Maman needs a quiet time, now”. Get nervous, yell, and it will get back at you faster than a boomerang can kill a kangaroo.
Inside voice. No yelling inside. That one saved my sanity.
Let the kids use Skype, Whatsap or Zoom for “virtual playdates”. They need social interaction, too.
Activity : make a thaumatrope ( you’ll need floss or a straw) click on the picture for printable
Hopefully everything will be back to normal soon. Until then we need to take it one day at a time and #bendthecurve. I’m with you.
Love, Delphine